I've been in a mood lately - probably for weeks now, maybe even longer. A constant state of frustration and irritability, and that's on top of mild depression and a growing case of social anxiety, and tack on some hefty burnout, too. It's bad enough that people who see me regularly have noticed and expressed concern. They aren't wrong. This negative attitude and grumpy mood is proof that I'm not mentally or emotionally in a great place.
It's been at work that this mood has been most noticeable, I think. I'm surrounded by grown people who don't seem to be able to act like it. People who want to get paid but don't want to earn it. I end up feeling like I'm babysitting and cleaning up after them and that isn't supposed to be my job. But even in my own time, I'm struggling to find the gumption to handle adulting responsibilities beyond going to work and paying bills.
I don't think I'm a particularly selfish or self-centered person. But my never-ending internal dialogue is usually a lot of introspection and analysis of myself, my experiences, my interactions with the people around me. It can be hard to get out of my head, to let go of what I can't control, and focus on more productive things. In the past, spending time with a good friend and focusing on them for a time has helped with that. Of course, those opportunities are much fewer these days.
Today, I saw a post on Facebook from a lady who is a friend of a family member. She posted the question, "who needs prayers this week?" Most of the responses I saw were people asking for prayers for their family and friends, though some asked for themselves as well.
She does this about every week, so it wasn't new to me, but for some reason, today it brought tears to my eyes. I always thought it was kind and thoughtful, but it hit me that it's so much more. I was touched by this woman's open willingness to pray on behalf of others, many of them strangers to her. Strangers! What a sweet, loving, and compassionate service to offer. And it reminded me that sometimes we need to focus outward.
I've talked before about self-care and that is very important because we need the balance it brings. But it's equally important to take time to think outside ourselves, time to focus on someone else, and find ways to be of service to our fellow human beings. Taking time to serve one another helps us to love our neighbor and even helps us to have a clearer perspective on our own struggles.
I can readily admit that this is not easy for me and there are plenty of personal struggles to justify why that is. But then again, doesn't that just mean I need to try harder? Burn out and feeling that our own emotional needs aren't being met can make it feel near impossible to give part of our time and energy to someone else. In doing so, however, we will find our own spirits lifted, our own burdens easier to carry. And along with that, our grumpy moods will improve, too.
