It's been a few months since I posted anything, which feels kinda weird, honestly. I've missed it, but also haven't had anything I felt inspired to write about. There are plenty of thoughts swirling my mind, though - ever constant.
I'm worried about my niece, who is having surgery soon to repair a birth defect. While she very much wants this surgery, it is also causing her a great deal of anxiety. I want it all to go well, I want her recovery to go well, and I desperately want her to be able to handle it all.
I'm concerned about a friend who is in a bad relationship but refuses to leave. It's toxic and abusive, but she won't leave. I want so badly for her to wake up from her bone-deep denial about how bad of a situation she's in. But she's an adult and she has to make the choice. My heart hurts for her because of the fear and anxiety she lives in, but I can't force her to do anything. I only hope that I can be a supporter if she ever decides to make a change.
I have responsibilities that I struggle to keep up with. I worry that I'm too focused on myself and miss those small opportunities to serve others. I have some medical issues that I’m still trying to get a handle on. I often feel like I'm not a good cat mom to my furbabies, or that I'm not a good sister or aunt or friend.
I still miss my mom and think of her every day. Just a few days ago, there was something I needed to ask her before remembering she isn't here to ask anymore. My mom was special and I so desperately miss having her here. I know it was time - her mission here was done. But I still feel like I'm not ready for the reality of her absence. It's getting a little easier to handle, the weight of grief isn't as overwhelming. But it's still present.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel overwhelmed by life and hardship at times. Because, well, life is hard.
But, also... life goes on and it doesn't stay that hard forever.
Elder Jeffery R. Holland once said: "...Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."
I do the best I can with what I have and what I know - and I'm still learning that I need to forgive myself for not knowing better in the past. I'm still learning my limits, when I need to push myself, when I need to give myself a break. So in the meantime, I just keep doing the best I can. I keep trying. And hopefully, I keep learning and keep growing.
It's ok that life can be hard, it's ok that we struggle through it sometimes. The important part is that we keep going. Because there is purpose to all of it. Even when we can't see what good can come of any given hardship, we can have faith that there is good to be found.
