Today is one of those days that I would so much rather stay in bed all day. I want to snuggle with my kitties and get lost in a book because reality is just too much sometimes. I wish I had that luxury, but I don't. So I'm at work, trying to be the responsible adult while my heart is so heavy it's hard to focus.
I have loved ones dealing with some painful things and my heart hurts for them. Other than being a sounding board and support, I feel like there's nothing I can do. I want for things to be better, but if they can't be, then I want them to have the courage and strength to accept what is so that they can find peace.
I'm dealing with my own loneliness and grief. I desperately want a hug from my sweet mom. No matter what else was going on in my life or how lonely I ever felt, I always knew my mom loved me and wanted me to be happy. I miss having that. I miss being able to call or text her when she wasn't here to hug. And I hate that I so often feel like I'm going through all of this alone.
Having lived with this for many years, I recognize what I'm feeling - it's depression rearing it's ugly, monstrous head. And probably a bit of just letting myself feel it all, rather than pushing it aside. When I get like this, I often pray for help and comfort, I try to focus on more positive things so I don't spiral. But sometimes, you have to let it be.
Just hang on and outlast the storm.
It will pass.
I guess that's how I'm feeling today. I'm hanging on, getting through the day, just riding out the storm. I know tomorrow will be better. If not tomorrow, then eventually.
