Awkward

I'm awkward. I'm not sure how much others notice it, but it's there and it's big. In fact, I've noticed lately that in my attempts to try to relate to people, it seems I end up just making them uncomfortable. But I also have no idea how to make that better. Because, well, awkward.

Ah, social anxiety, you evil beast! *shakes fist at the sky in futility*

Being the overthinking, analytical, introspective person I am, I'm always trying to figure this out. Why am I anxious in social situations? Why is it so hard to connect with people? How can I help myself not feel so awkward?

Yeah, I don't know. *shrug*

I'm sure the educated objectivity of a therapist would help. Until then, I keep trying. 

There are times the anxiety is too much and I just can't deal, but I do try. I go to a game night once a month. I go to church. I go to work. I try to hang out with friends. Try to support people with important events. I dont always manage it and when I do, I'm usually feeling awkward and out of place the whole time. It can be taxing and exhausting and even scary. But I try anyway. 

I think a lot of us try. And I think it can be easy to devalue the bravery in that - in doing things scared, in doing things that are hard. Because it is brave to be scared and do it anyway. Even if it's something as "simple" as making a phone call. Even if we feel super weird and awkward.

So let's give ourselves a pat on the back. Let's give ourselves credit and give ourselves a break. 

There is value and bravery in trying.