It's fun having a super analytical mind coupled with anxiety. Super fun. Yeah, not so much. But it does make for a million topics to talk about over the course of a couple weeks. So here's some of the things that have been on my mind.
I'm happy I finally got some good shoes for work because it has minimized my back pain from the horrible shoes I've been wearing for over a year. Yay! This also makes me realize how old I am. I really need to find a way to embrace being middle aged. 😑
I've noticed that my reading pace has slowed because I'm spending way too much time on social media. Way. Too. Much. My addictive behavior seems to have transferred from books to Facebook. Yikes. Not sure how to fix that. (It'll probably require therapy).
This makes me think of addiction in general. I've known since I was a teenager I have addictive tendencies or behaviors. I'm not even sure how I recognized that at such a young age, but I did. One thing I've learned about addiction is that it's almost never about the thing thing you're addicted to. At least, it doesn't start that way. It's a coping mechanism, it's an escape, it's a way of trying to fill a void, it's an easy way out of dealing with something too real. I think that's important to recognize and understand for anyone dealing with addiction - either yourself or someone you know and care about. (Disclaimer - I just want to point out here that I am not a professional. These are things I've learned through experience and in hearing from others with similar issues)
I've been thinking about how isolated I feel and how guarded I am. I haven't had some great epiphany or breakthrough or anything. But I have come to realize that much of it is trauma response. Trauma is damaging no matter the circumstances, but childhood trauma leaves its mark so deep that you can spend your entire life trying to overcome your learned trauma response. (Another reminder that I should probably be in therapy)
I had a cold sore pop up last week. Mildly annoying because I didn't have medicine handy so my lip looked like someone punched me. But since the main trigger for a breakout is stress, it made me wonder what triggered my stress. I came to the conclusion that it was work - specifically a coworker - that's had me so on edge. My days have been filled with frustration galore because it's hard teach someone who doesn't listen or pay attention. Maybe I shouldn't have included this part; I can feel my shoulders tensing just thinking about it. *sigh*
I've been thinking about how glad I am that I finally adopted a couple kitties earlier this year. It had been two years since my previous cat died and I had been wanting another cat ever since. It felt like providence, though, when I finally found these furbabies. I'm not sure why I had to wait so long, but I definitely feel like these girls are such a good fit for me. They are both affectionate lovebugs and I love it. Even when they get all in my face as I try to type.
A friend of mine told me once that she liked that I was a thinker. I think I responded with something like "it never stops." It's the blessing and the curse of an analytical mind. It helps me see and notice things that some people don't, It helps me problem solve, it helps me learn and understand new things. It also makes me overthink, which leads to anxiety or making things harder than they need to be. But at the end of the day, it's something I like and appreciate about myself. Even though I do sometimes wish my brain had an off switch. Alas, no off switch. Guess I'll have to escape my thoughts by getting lost in a book. Such a hardship for a book junkie. 😂
I think that'll conclude my self-therapy for today!
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