Self Care

Self-care has been on my mind a lot in recent months.  Thinking about what self-care really means and what that looks like for me and how different it might look for others.

If you've ever used a plane as a mode of transportation, you know that in the emergency briefing, they tell you that if the oxygen masks drop down, secure your own mask before assisting another person.  Do you know why that is?  Because you can't help someone else if you pass out due to lack of oxygen.  That's exactly the point behind self-care, right?  But so many of us struggle with it.

A few years ago, there were a few months that were very difficult and exhausting.  My mom was dealing with a lot of medical issues and was in the hospital and rehab a lot, I was working full time, had my sister at home who was alone a lot during this time, I had a calling at church, and I had a cat to take care of.  I remember that I felt like I was always running.  I was running at work all day, then running to go spend time with mom, then running home to see my sister and my cat, trying to do my work for my calling in between all of that, then getting up the next day to do it all again.  Weekends weren't much better.  Just running all the time and I was running myself into the ground.  I do remember feeling some relief when I finally let myself slow down or pause for 15 minutes.  But those times were rare.

It wasn't until many months, maybe even a year, later that I realized just how much I had neglected myself because I could tell I was not fully recovered from the bone-deep exhaustion.  It wasn't just physical, either.  I was weary in my soul and emotionally worn out, too.  I had wanted to be there for my family, they had needed me, but I was doing too much.  People would remind me that I needed to take care of myself, that I needed to take time for myself.  That was true, but I didn't know how!  It seemed like if I slowed down or took time for myself that I was neglecting something or someone.  I felt like I didn't have the time and I definitely didn't have the energy for anything.  I was pushing through my days and had nothing left at the end.  

So, when my sister suffered a broken leg and had to go into rehab after surgery, I knew I had to handle things differently.  I knew I couldn't push myself like I did before, so I managed my own expectations, as well as my sister's expectations.  And when I felt myself wearing out again, I slowed it down even more.

What I learned from all of this is that self-care is not selfish, it isn't neglecting your family.  It’s not about the indulgence of a bubble bath or a pedicure, it isn't about buying yourself something special.  Self-care is about balance - it's about knowing your limits and setting healthy boundaries.  It's about knowing when to say no, when to slow down, when to pause, and when to keep pushing, and maybe even when to indulge.  Sometimes that might be a bubble bath or pedicure, or escaping into a book (my favorite), or taking walk in nature alone.  It might look like not doing all the things for other people or it might look like taking the time to serve someone else.

What self-care looks like will be different for everyone.  We all have different lives, different needs, different responsibilities, different personalities.  But we all have to take care of ourselves.  We can only do that if we pay attention to ourselves and how our bodies and minds are being affected by all the things we do in a day.  Then with that knowledge we need to prioritize the things that matter and allow ourselves the limits and boundaries that we need to be mentally and emotionally healthy.