Losing a parent, especially one you're close to, is so hard. I miss my sweet mom with every breath I take. There is not a thing in my life that grief doesn't touch. And then there are all the changes we are dealing with because she is gone. Plus all the normal life stuff, like my job and my work at church. Then there's all the health issues I'm trying to get under control. Add in some mental illness and it's sometimes overwhelming to be a person. It can make your heart heavy, make it hard to get through the day.
A week ago (or so), I had many things I wanted to get done. My list was long and time consuming and I knew I wouldn't get to it all. I hoped I would be able to tackle a good chunk of it, but by the end of the day, I'd barely done anything. I was a little disappointed in my lack of accomplishment, but then I remembered something I saw a while back.
A quote from a college professor somewhere: "anything worth doing is worth doing poorly."
That's a head scratching one, isn't it? Quite the opposite of how I was raised. But the point of it is, it's better to do something than nothing. For people with mental illness like depression or anxiety, this can be life changing. When taking a shower is too much, at least wash your face. When cleaning the whole kitchen is too much, at least take out the trash. And so on.
What a different way to look at yourself!
On this particular day, all I had wanted to do since I woke up was just stay in bed. I wanted to sleep and read and eat cookie dough and call it a day. In stead, I got up and got some things done. I was ridiculously tired and very low on energy and it took all day, but I did it. I managed to adult and accomplish something.
What I did not do was nothing.
I decided to focus on that and be proud of myself for doing something when all I wanted was to do nothing.
Life can sometimes beat you over the head and knock you flat on your back. But life can also be beautiful; full of friends, fall colors and spring flowers, good times and happy memories.
Focusing on the positive doesn't magically cure depression or fast-forward you through the stages of grief. But it does help lift some of the burden, it makes getting through the day a little easier. Because what we choose to focus on is what we will find.
