That Voice In Your Head

Now, I'm not talking about schizophrenia or multiple personalities here. I mean our own voices - the way we think about and talk to ourselves. If you're anything like me, sometimes (or even most of the time), that voice can get pretty harsh, it can be mean and hateful.

And, just... Why do we do this to ourselves?

The answer is different for everyone, I'm sure, and probably would require an objective professional to figure out. But I sure know how hurtful and damaging it can be. In fact, for me, that unkind voice is often what triggers a bout depression. The unkind voice is triggered, too, usually by something hurtful that taps into one of my many insecurities. 

But that voice.  

It's like falling down the rabbit hole. The ugliness is like a hamster wheel and every time it loops around, I spiral deeper. Round and round it goes, until it's about all I can think about. And then I feel so heavy, worthless, and lonely. Depression rearing its ugly head.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who goes through this. And I certainly wish I had astounding words of wisdom, some cure-all, but I don't. I do know that when I start to spiral, I need to redirect my thoughts and change the voice, change the focus of my thoughts. It's more complicated than just thinking about something else. It's not about distraction or avoidance. It's about retraining the way you process your feelings and deal with the insecurities so you can stop being so hateful towards yourself. 

Talk to a friend, talk to a counselor, write it down, (if you're the spiritual type) read scriptures or pray, go for a walk, turn on some uplifting music, take advantage of service opportunities. Anything to stop that dang hamster wheel so you can move forward. It's hard - so very hard - to do. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of work, but it's not impossible.

I'm not suggesting any of this replaces medical or professional treatment. But even when getting treatment, we can have bad days or weeks. And there are a lot of things that can help us get through those bad days. I think the key is figuring out what tools work for you, so when you get overwhelmed, you have those tools at your fingertips to help you overcome it.  (I feel like I should also say, make these healthy tools!)

I am always trying to overcome that negative voice in my head. I fail a lot, but I keep trying.  Yesterday, I spiraled until I was nearly in tears while trying to work my shift.  So I started writing to stop the spinning and give it all an outlet.  It didn't suddenly put me in a bright mood, but it lifted that heaviness enough that it wasn't overwhelming. And today is a much better day.

This time, it was writing. Next time it might be that I need to talk to a friend or sister. And the next time I might need to focus on the little felines in my care. Or I might need to spend some time with friends, or focusing on someone else.

I (we!) have already made it through 100% of my (our) bad days. Tomorrow will be better.