There are times when another's view of who we are is much more a reflection of them than it is of us. That's especially true when someone doesn't know us well (or at all), or when someone is the type to project their own behavior/mentality on others.
I remember being told (quite a lot) in my youth that I'm argumentative and confrontational. In particular, that I argued for no reason - just for the sake of being contrary and that I loved to argue. Which has never been true about me. I can definitely argue, but its always been because I disagree or think something is wrong. I do not enjoy fighting in any form. The same is true for being confrontational. It's another form of fighting and I usually avoid it.
What I learned as I got older is that the person who always said these things about and to me wasn't really describing me. He was describing himself - he was projecting his own behaviors on me because he was too narrow minded to recognize that similar doesn't mean the same.
I'll be honest here, I'm still angry at him for treating me this way. I was raised to think for myself, but I was also treated like doing so was disappointing to the point of disgust. Neverending contradiction. It really messed with my head and I still struggle with mental and emotional health because if it.
Fortunately, there was a stabilizing force in my life, too, in the form of a very loving and accepting person. And somehow, I think I've managed to turn out to be kind in spite of - or maybe even because of - the difficulties. And in the process, I've learned a couple of really important things.
One: let people be wrong about you. No matter how sure someone is that they have you figured out - be honest with and about yourself and if they are wrong, then let them be. You know yourself and if you like you, then that is what's important.
Two: be careful with your thoughts and opinions about others. It's possible you're the one that's wrong about someone. So be generous and gracious in how you see others, and be kind in how you treat them. No matter if they're strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family.
