Don't let comparison rob you of compassion

There is a difference between sharing a similar experience to someone in understanding, and sharing a similar experience in comparison.

For some of us, sharing a similar experience is how we express that we understand, at least a little, what you're going through. It's a sign of compassion and empathy. We're here with you in this struggle. We aren't trying to make it about us, or diminish whatever you are feeling. We are trying to help you carry that burden, or unpack that suitcase.

For some of us, it's a comparison. It is a way to diminish or even dismiss your feelings because we have/had it worse, so you shouldn't complain or whine about it. It might even be a way to make it about us, again dismissing your feelings as if ours are more important or significant somehow.

I've been on the receiving end of both. One is definitely better than the other. 

But I have learned a few things from experiencing both kinds of people.

I've learned that there is no valid comparison between what each of us struggle with. No matter how similar or different it may seem. My challenges do not diminish or accentuate yours. Yours don't do so to mine. The end.

I've also learned that you can be frustrated, unhappy, or even angry about whatever opposition or adversity you're experiencing AND be grateful at the same time. Grateful that its not worse, grateful for whatever is giving you strength and courage to face it and deal with it. Gratitude doesn't equal no negative feelings or thoughts about something hard in your life.

And I've learned that you can be upset about your own challenges and still feel compassion for someone else's. There will always be someone who "has it worse" - that does not mean you have no right to feel bad about your own suffering. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Don't let a comparison mentality rob you of compassion. We all need compassion. We all need to receive it. We all need to give it - to others and to ourselves.

Come as you are

I had a moment this morning that I feel inspired to share.

As I was driving to church, I was listening to some "Sunday" music and the song Come As You Are by Nathan Pacheco came on.  It's a really beautiful song. It always makes me think of my sweet sister, who had so many disabilities and challenges in this life. But it also reminds me of the love our Heavenly Father and Savior have for each of us. Just as we are.

Today, though, it brought me something new.

The chorus goes like this:

"So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame
All who are broken, lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home, you're not too far
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
Come as you are"

As I listened to these words, an image came to my mind. One of the Savior, His hands reaching out toward me, as I reached toward Him. He took my hands in His, gripping them in love and support.

The image was so powerful and touching, I found myself squeezing the steering wheel, my eyes filled with tears. 

I'm so grateful for the tender mercies of Heavenly Father. Those small (sometimes big) moments and experiences that show us His love and remind us we are never alone. That Jesus Christ is ever reaching out for us - only waiting for us to reach for Him, too.

I've Been Thinking About Anger

My mom always used to say that being angry was a waste of energy. I've been taught my whole life to keep my temper in check, to be slow to anger, etc. 

And I do believe all of that. 

But I also believe that anger can and does serve a purpose. 

I've read or heard that anger is a secondary emotion. First we feel hurt, betrayed, insulted, disrespected, etc. And then we feel angry at someone for doing whatever caused those feelings. Possibly angry at ourselves for being in the situation. Angry that it happened at all. But the anger is our reaction to being hurt in some other way.

This is where we have a choice to make.

We can hold on to that anger, hold a grudge, and be miserable and bitter about it's cause for the rest of our lives.

Or, we can look inward to understand why we feel angry so we can learn from it and then let it go.

Hence, the purpose of anger. If we take the time to consider why we are angry, we can learn a lot about ourselves and understand our boundaries and limits better. Which can lead us to making necessary changes, either in ourselves, our environment, or our relationships.

I am smack in the middle of exactly that right now. I have been spurred into making changes that are long overdue because I was finally angry enough to realize there are things I can no longer  tolerate. It has helped me get past my fear and trepidation about those changes. Gone are the excuses to keep the status quo. Now it's all about getting myself into a better and healthier situation.

Much like everything else in this life, it all comes down to choice. How we react or respond to feeling angry is far more significant than feeling it in the first place.

Holding onto anger is harmful.

Learning from it is growth.