Sometimes, it's just not a good day

Today wasn’t such a good day.  I have a lot of reasons (and excuses) as to why: didn’t get enough sleep, PMS, unreliable coworkers, general stress of my job, hunger, people not making sense.   I was on edge and feeling frustrated by 30 minutes into my shift.  I had apparently reached my limit because it was like a switch was flipped. My brain-to-mouth filter took a leave of absence and that voice of reason in my head – the one that reminds me to keep my cool and maintain some courtesy and professionalism despite my frustration – went silent. 

So there I was: cranky, tired, annoyed, frustrated, impatient, anxious, and (gasp) unfiltered.  And I didn’t even care.  Which meant the ugly things I usually suppress in the name of adulting just came flying out of my mouth. And I felt justified.  For about five minutes.  Then the voice of reason finally started talking again and reminded me I’d been kind of jerk and I begrudgingly accepted I should apologize.  My filter remained on the fritz all day, though I made more effort to force it into submission – a battle I lost many times, by the way.

As my overthinking brain analyzed this all day long, I kept coming back to a couple important concepts.  One – it’s okay to have a bad day, we all do, nobody is perfect.  Two – I am responsible for my behavior and how I treat others, regardless of bad days.

Even though I didn’t feel entirely in control of my emotions and attitude, even though he wasn’t making sense and I didn’t have the time or patience for him to get to the point, it was still me who snapped at a coworker.  But in stead of beating myself up all day over losing my cool and being a jerk, I just tried to rein it in and do a little better.  And in stead of justifying or rationalizing my rudeness, I owned up to it and apologized.

I somehow got through the day without going postal on anyone and feel more like myself after my little purring machines snuggled and napped on me while I read and scrolled Facebook. 

Tomorrow will be a fresh start to do better.