Lifted

It's incredible what some time with the right person, or time doing the right thing, can do for your soul.

The last six to eight months have brought several pretty huge changes to my life, along with some less extreme trials.

I had to move, which meant a lot of downsizing and cleaning. We had to sell our parents' house and get rid of most of their things. My sister spent months in the hospital, then after being back home a short time, suffered a medical event that led to her death. Then I was sick one way or another for two and half months. Plus there's the physical, mental, and emotional turmoil and struggles that go along with it all.

It's been a lot. And it's been hard. 

I mean, I'm ok - I can carry it. But it's still heavy sometimes. Or maybe a lot of the time. I think I don't always realize how heavy it can get until something happens that helps make it less so.

Like spending some much needed time with my bestie. We live states apart so we don't see each other often. But she was in town recently, and we managed to get some time together. I left that visit feeling positively light. Like some of what weighed me down had been lifted. I like to think I do the same for her.

I hope we all find someone or something that can do that for us. A friend, a hobby, a pastime, meditation, music... Something that helps us see the light through the darkness or to decompress so we can face life with renewed strength and courage.

Grief, Revisited

I've written about grief before, and I've copied some previous thoughts here. But I've been thinking a lot about grief as I am in the midst of it again, and as I see friends also trying to navigate their own loss and grief.

It makes me think of how different each loss has been for me. How different loss is for everyone. How absolutely nothing will ever be the same again after losing someone you love.

It's such a strange feeling, walking around in a haze of grief while everyone else is just carrying on like life is normal.

But you have to keep going, right? You have to keep living, going to school, going to work, doing the dishes, feeding the cat, yada yada. The world keeps on moving even though your whole world has changed. It will truly never be the same - anyone who has grieved the loss of a loved one knows, it never goes away, it never really gets smaller.

Here's the thing, though. It DOES get easier to carry, because your life gets bigger. The pain of it will come and go in waves, but eventually, the good days outnumber the bad days. You find your new normal and this grief you carry becomes part of who you are. A scar more than a gaping wound. Not gone - forever changing the landscape of your heart, but still allowing it to function at full capacity. 

It takes time. And how long a time is different for everyone. So be gentle and patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, but don't be afraid to keep moving and keep living. You'll get there.

Strong and Tough

Something I've been thinking about lately is how being strong and being tough really aren't the same thing. They sometimes get used interchangeably, but I don't think that's accurate. At least, not the way they are often used to describe people.

People who claim to be tough often mean they are impervious to whatever life throws at them. All the metaphorical falls or kicks in the face.  But no one is truly unaffected, so what they're really doing is pushing down or denying how they are affected in order to be "tough," which I'm sure they perceive as being strong.

I once heard that something that is impervious doesn't need to be strong because it can't change anyway. Isn't that fascinating?! 

Imperviousness doesn't make you strong. It could even be considered a sign of weakness. Though I don't believe that's true. I think it's one of many unhealthy coping mechanisms. But how easy is it to trick ourselves into thinking that by not feeling we are being strong?

But the truth is, you don't have to be unaffected in order to be strong. Being strong means you can face what life throws at you. Being strong means you can do hard things. When you fall, you get back up. When you get kicked in the face, you put on an ice pack and keep going. You might need to have a meltdown first, but that's ok. Being strong doesn't mean it's easy or that you put on a brave face through everything, or even that you look graceful doing it.

When depression makes you want to stay in bed all day, but you get up and go to work anyway.

When your kids try your patience but you work at being gentle anyway.

When you do things scared.

When you show kindness to someone who has been unkind to you.

When you own your mistakes and try to do better.

You are being strong. And you're probably so much stronger than you realize.