I've Been Thinking About Anger

My mom always used to say that being angry was a waste of energy. I've been taught my whole life to keep my temper in check, to be slow to anger, etc. 

And I do believe all of that. 

But I also believe that anger can and does serve a purpose. 

I've read or heard that anger is a secondary emotion. First we feel hurt, betrayed, insulted, disrespected, etc. And then we feel angry at someone for doing whatever caused those feelings. Possibly angry at ourselves for being in the situation. Angry that it happened at all. But the anger is our reaction to being hurt in some other way.

This is where we have a choice to make.

We can hold on to that anger, hold a grudge, and be miserable and bitter about it's cause for the rest of our lives.

Or, we can look inward to understand why we feel angry so we can learn from it and then let it go.

Hence, the purpose of anger. If we take the time to consider why we are angry, we can learn a lot about ourselves and understand our boundaries and limits better. Which can lead us to making necessary changes, either in ourselves, our environment, or our relationships.

I am smack in the middle of exactly that right now. I have been spurred into making changes that are long overdue because I was finally angry enough to realize there are things I can no longer  tolerate. It has helped me get past my fear and trepidation about those changes. Gone are the excuses to keep the status quo. Now it's all about getting myself into a better and healthier situation.

Much like everything else in this life, it all comes down to choice. How we react or respond to feeling angry is far more significant than feeling it in the first place.

Holding onto anger is harmful.

Learning from it is growth.

Lifted

It's incredible what some time with the right person, or time doing the right thing, can do for your soul.

The last six to eight months have brought several pretty huge changes to my life, along with some less extreme trials.

I had to move, which meant a lot of downsizing and cleaning. We had to sell our parents' house and get rid of most of their things. My sister spent months in the hospital, then after being back home a short time, suffered a medical event that led to her death. Then I was sick one way or another for two and half months. Plus there's the physical, mental, and emotional turmoil and struggles that go along with it all.

It's been a lot. And it's been hard. 

I mean, I'm ok - I can carry it. But it's still heavy sometimes. Or maybe a lot of the time. I think I don't always realize how heavy it can get until something happens that helps make it less so.

Like spending some much needed time with my bestie. We live states apart so we don't see each other often. But she was in town recently, and we managed to get some time together. I left that visit feeling positively light. Like some of what weighed me down had been lifted. I like to think I do the same for her.

I hope we all find someone or something that can do that for us. A friend, a hobby, a pastime, meditation, music... Something that helps us see the light through the darkness or to decompress so we can face life with renewed strength and courage.

Grief, Revisited

I've written about grief before, and I've copied some previous thoughts here. But I've been thinking a lot about grief as I am in the midst of it again, and as I see friends also trying to navigate their own loss and grief.

It makes me think of how different each loss has been for me. How different loss is for everyone. How absolutely nothing will ever be the same again after losing someone you love.

It's such a strange feeling, walking around in a haze of grief while everyone else is just carrying on like life is normal.

But you have to keep going, right? You have to keep living, going to school, going to work, doing the dishes, feeding the cat, yada yada. The world keeps on moving even though your whole world has changed. It will truly never be the same - anyone who has grieved the loss of a loved one knows, it never goes away, it never really gets smaller.

Here's the thing, though. It DOES get easier to carry, because your life gets bigger. The pain of it will come and go in waves, but eventually, the good days outnumber the bad days. You find your new normal and this grief you carry becomes part of who you are. A scar more than a gaping wound. Not gone - forever changing the landscape of your heart, but still allowing it to function at full capacity. 

It takes time. And how long a time is different for everyone. So be gentle and patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, but don't be afraid to keep moving and keep living. You'll get there.